Chinese Dating (in 2022) 💘 | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (2022)

Dating in China in 2022 💕 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Part 1)

Chinese Dating (in 2022) 💘 | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (1)

Dating anywhere in the world that is not your home country, you are bound to find some cultural differences and experience culture shock.

This goes for Chinese dating too.

Depending on where you come from, Chinese culture is probably very different to what you are used to.

This doesn’t stop when it comes to dating Chinese people.

Or, indeed, other expats living in China from different countries other than your own.

This is a down to Earth account about experiences dating in China – the good, the bad, and the ugly, and how to deal with the cultural differences that almost certainly will arise.

*Disclaimer: This is a generalised, personal account, and certainly doesn’t mean all Chinese guys are like this!

Dating in China – Lack of Middle Ground

Dating in China – Asian Culture

Dating in China – ‘Going after’ Girls

Dating in China –

Dating in China – Friends Going After theSame Girl

Dating in China – Matching Outfits

Dating in China – Everything is Pretty Quick

Dating in China – Extreme Pressure

Dating in China – Phone Usage

Dating in China – FAQ’s

PSST – take a quick look at this hilarious video from our friend Keren who teaches us how to NOT chat someone up in Chinese

Video: My Husband Controls My Life - And I Love It | LOVE DON'T JUDGE

Chinese Dating –The Lack of Middle Ground

In many Western cultures, there are certain steps involved before you can change that Facebook status and you’re actually ‘in a relationship’.

This usually looks something like this:

  1. Meet – maybe on the internet, through dating apps, or friends. Maybe you are friends first and want to take things to the next level.
  2. Date – So you’ve met, you’ve had the first date, and if that went well you probably decided to have a second, third, fourth… etc date. It depends on individuals how long the dating period lasts for. Those with commitment issues will find it much harder to move on to the next stage, which comes with a label… This stage is probably one of the most important stages. You’re getting to get to know each other and testing out your compatibility without the commitment and responsibility of having a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”.
  3. “In a relationship” – So you’ve made the final step (let’s not even get to talking about marriage) and you’re now officially… In a relationship! At this stage you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and generally it’s expected that it is an exclusive relationship. Meaning, no cheating!

See these quick tips on meeting girls in Shanghai.

Dating In China – Asian Culture

In Asian culture, however, including dating in China, they often seem to miss out the middle step.

The idea of “dating” is a rare one to many locals. The most important one!

You will meet a guy, or a girl, you go on your first date and then if that goes well, I guess you’re… together?

Nothing needs to be said, e.g. nothing is discussed about “taking things to the next level” or whether you can call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. I’ve often found that it is just presumed so.

This is kind of scary, and definitely something to watch out for – since you don’t want to give people the wrong impression and potentially hurt peoples’ feelings without intending to do so.

It is important to be clear from the beginning, and if you’re made uncomfortable by things moving too quickly then make sure to tell the person you’re “dating” (or apparently not!?) and help them to understand the important cultural differences.

Chinese Dating –‘Going After’ Girls

A strange concept that isn’t found too much in Western culture, or perhaps not in this capacity, is the idea of ‘going after’ somebody.

Sure, if you like somebody you will ‘pursue’ them, and perhaps this is China’s dating equivalent of the lost “middle ground”.

The main difference here is the way that it’s done.

It could be likened to an old-fashioned “courting” method. If a guy likes a girl, then he will flaunt his stuff by buying presents and showing her what kind of good home and family he can offer.

Chinese Dating –Present Buying & Materialism

Following on from the above…

One of the best ways to show your love and affection in Chinese culture is by showing it with objects.

Expensive ones. China is obsessed with material objects and brand names.

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There was an article about a Chinese man who bought his foreign girlfriend a Lamborghini as an engagement present. Unfortunately, she said no. Money doesn’t always buy everything apparently!

For more stories of madness, look no further than these ridiculous proposals.

9 of the Craziest 💒 Marriage Proposals Ever!See It To Believe It: 9 of the Craziest Proposals Ever FIND OUT FIRST – How to Chat Up in Chinese It’s time to get Romantic and discover the craziest proposals ever! Today is Valentine’s Day and it’s time to…

Chinese Dating – Same Girl, Same Time, Same Party

Another aspect to this “going after”/“pursuing” business is the fact that friends liking the same girl and trying to go for it at the same time is absolutely no problem.

In Western culture, this would often result in the end of a friendship, or at least some arguments.

The general etiquette in Western culture would be that if two (or more) friends like the same person, it would either be decided that turns would be taken, let the other person decide, or no one can have them – in order to avoid conflict.

In Asian culture, however, it seems that this is not an issue.

I have been in situations before where 3 or more friends have all been trying to show off their stuff, actively and openly competing against each other. Whilst fun, it can be a tad odd and overwhelming at first if you’re not used to it or aware of this kind of culture.

Chinese Dating –Matching Outfits

Chinese Dating (in 2022) 💘 | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (3)

You will either find Asian couples in matching outfits super cute – or super sickening.

I am totally on board and find it super cute. Although I’ve never done it myself. Any takers?

Couples buy the same clothing attire, or as we can see here two pieces of clothing that can ONLY be worn together, and they go and show themselves and their deep love to the rest of the world on the streets of China!

These outfits are called 情侣装 –Qínglǚ zhuāng and can be found in sets on Taobao and in stores.

Grab your other half and get shopping (or be sick in your mouth a little)!

Chinese Hongbao 🧧 Everything You Need To Know About The Lucky Red EnvelopeA lucky red envelope is a traditional gift for Chinese New Year. But who gets them, and how much are they filled with? We answer all the key questions.

Chinese Dating – It’s Quick

As I touched on earlier, dating in Asian culture escalates pretty quickly.

Dating Western men (or women), bringing up marriage and children is almost a taboo topic and only brought up at least a few months or even years down the line.

It’s often greeted with a casual “Ehhh yeah yeah one thing at a time” and a quick topic change.

In Asian dating culture, however, it is not abnormal for this to be brought up on the first date. Yup. To be fair, this is great because at least people know what they want.

But on the other hand, it’s truly terrifying (depending on where you are up to in your life). And can be a complete turn-off. The talk of marriage and babies doesn’t stop after it has been discussed once. It may be brought up daily, or even multiple times a day.

Why is this so?

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This is largely due to the…

Chinese Dating – Extreme Pressure

Parents around the world are different, and many cultures have different family ideals and parenting styles.

Coming from a British family, I think that I can say I’m not an anomaly when I say that my mum and dad would freak out if I was to say I want to get married and have kids now.

Chinese Dating (in 2022) 💘 | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (5)

Well, I’m on the wrong side of 20 now. So maybe they’d be more cool with it, but Western values are much more concentrated on independence, rather than family values. This obviously has good and bad points.

Whilst in Asian culture, however, and particularly so within Chinese culture, there is extreme pressure from family, friends, and friends of the family to get married and start a family of your own.

In fact, in China, it is not abnormal for parents to organise dates for their son or daughter. Parents may even attend marriage markets with pictures and information of their child for other seeking mothers.

Here they will look at and try to pick a match for their child.

SPEAKING OF WEDDINGS… Did you know our Marketing Man Max made a speech at a Chinese wedding?!

Enjoy…

Chinese Dating –Looking at People’s Phones

There’s a strange lack of privacy when dating a lot of Chinese men.

They’re not untrusting, but they like to look at your phone. And vice versa.

In Western culture, this would definitely be a sign of lack of trust. In fact, we may actively NOT look at each other’s phones in order to show our trust.

To be honest I don’t mind it at all. I have nothing to hide and it’s a bit of fun.

It’s not meant too seriously, and just something they are often used to doing.

So if you’re asked to show your phone or someone is eager to see yours, don’t take it too personally and just get on board with things.

Video: [Eng Sub] First Love You EP01 | Chinese drama | Love at first sight

If you don’t like it, explain it may be a part of Chinese dating but it’s not a part of your culture.

Enjoyed what you’ve seen so far? Come along for part II, we’ve got some absolutely essential things you need to know coming up…

Or if you’ve enjoyed reading our guide to dating in China, then we think you’ll also enjoy our guide to dating in Japan too!

Chinese Dating 💔 The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (Part 2)Want to find love in China? 🤔 Think you’re clued up enough on dating in China? Chances are there’s some things you don’t know about – here’s the thing…

Dating in China – FAQ’s

What is the most popular app for dating in China?

Tantan is currently the most used app for dating in China although there are many, many more.

How many Valentines Days are there in China?

Incredibly there is a total of 6 Valentine’s Days in China every year!

14/2: Valentine’s Day

14/3: White Valentine’s Day

20/5: 520

20/8: Qi Xi Festival

15th Day in Lunar Year: The Lantern Festival

11/11: Single’s Day

Is 11/11 (Singles Day) bigger than Black Friday?

Yes! Singles’ Day 2017 saw shoppers spending more than $25bn (168.2bn yuan) during China’s Singles’ Day,

Do all Chinese couples wear matching outfits?

Not all couples at all but you will probably see more matching outfits in China than in most other places you’ve visited!

Is gift giving culture big in China?

Yes, it’s useful to brush up on your gift giving etiquette before buying a gift that might inadvertently prove to be a faux-pas

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Chinese Dating (in 2022) 💘 | The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (7)

FAQs

What's it like dating in China? ›

There is no casual dating, Chinese dating is marriage. Here people are interested in serious dating and making their relationship last. Local women and men do not have one-night stands or practice open relationships. After a couple of months of dating, they get married and start a family.

What age do Chinese people start dating? ›

Average age of entering first relationship in China 2020, by gender. According to the survey among Chinese college students, the average age that male respondents entered their first relationship was at 16.27 years old. It was slightly older than 16.17 years old for female respondents.

What is it like dating a Chinese guy? ›

They take relationships slowly

They're slow and spend a lot of time texting and talking to show their interest in you. Physical intimacy comes pretty slowly if the guys are serious about dating.

What to know about dating a Chinese girl? ›

How to Date A Chinese Woman
  • Learn about her culture in advance. ...
  • Respect her family. ...
  • Make Chinese girl feel stable. ...
  • Try to be a “bad-humble” guy. ...
  • Do not hurry things up. ...
  • Take initiative in your hands. ...
  • Let her be prudent and shy for a start. ...
  • Don't postpone escalating.
Feb 17, 2022

How is Chinese marriage? ›

Traditional Chinese marriage (Chinese: 婚姻; pinyin: hūnyīn) is a ceremonial ritual within Chinese societies that involves not only a union between spouses, but also a union between the two families of a man and a woman, sometimes established by pre-arrangement between families.

Why is marriage important in China? ›

The Chinese government sees marriage and family as the basic cell of society,” explains Hong Fincher. “They see marriage between a man and a woman as a politically stabilizing institution.” For parents and other elders, too, marriage is seen as a marker of normalcy and the most significant milestone of adulthood.

How do you know if a Chinese man likes you? ›

When Chinese men like you, they tend to go out of their way to spend heroic amounts of time with you. They'll escort you to and from all your classes or out to your car. They'll ride with you on the bus all the way to your apartment (and make sure you're safely inside).

How do you flirt in Mandarin? ›

我喜欢你 (wǒ xǐ huān nǐ) — I like you. 我想跟你在一起 (wǒ xiǎng gēn nǐ zài yī qǐ ) — I want to be with you/I want us to be together. 我暗恋你 (wǒ àn liàn nǐ) — I'm crushing on you. 我好想你 (wǒ hǎo xiǎng nǐ) — I miss you.

How do you win a Chinese girl? ›

  1. Upright Morals Is Your Winning Strategy. Good character will take you a long way when you are dating a Chinese woman. ...
  2. Learn Chinese Culture. ...
  3. Understand The Importance Of Family. ...
  4. A little Mandarin will go a long way. ...
  5. Sample Chinese food. ...
  6. Appreciate her beauty by Gifting her. ...
  7. Be simple, Modest and genuine. ...
  8. Take Things Slow.
Apr 18, 2019

How do you propose in China? ›

A family would hire a matchmaker, and the matchmaker would go to another family's home to seek a proposal. Then both families would consult a fortune teller who analyzed the man and woman's birth dates, times, names, and other vital information. If they were deemed compatible, a marriage deal would be brokered.

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